In Pieces

In Pieces

The idea of wholeness is ascribed in every work of art as a quintessential element, portraying the idea of perfection- man, or art. I have no grudges against the idea of wholeness, nor do I have any apparent disfavor against it, but in fact, I love the very concept of it. The idea of being whole has always been positively connoted and in all ways, rightly elucidated as something that exists in its complete sense: Thus, assimilating into a discrete, fully formed entity that can be given attributions and nature, that is flexible to inherent or derived characteristics as suitable by men. I have always been fascinated by the thought of being whole, and have been conditioned to like about being whole through exposure to various posts and hashtags that have been in circulation through social media like whole, wholesome, wholeness, and the likes.

It’s not just me, it’s all of us who are reading this post.

And it etched its place into our minds with a menacing voracity, throwing off any other idea of perfection that exists, thereby imbibing a slightly aggressive positivity conflux. It is still a good approach, and many of us believe in it. And it is good. And it sits right in my conscience.

Even so, I would like to divert your attention to a small observation that I had jotted down in all my years of silence. There is nothing in this world that can be deemed perfect. Not a metaphor, not a simile, not an object, not a feeling, because everything has its own limitations. Agreed, that every idea has its drawbacks, my only question is-

Can’t we focus on anything broken to make it more beautiful?

Especially when it is within us.

Much of our quests into the unknown for a “whole” entity results in a tired-out mind frame which results in a dragging, exhausting pilgrimage, devoid of any expectations apart from the one that’s expanding in your mind.

I still don’t understand, why we can’t see the bits and pieces that are scattered everywhere and then build them up as the whole that we have imagined it to be? Brittle pieces of your heart that are decorated with sludge and dirt from the bitter swamp that you waded through endlessly, searching for a boat to haul yourself up, with nobody to mend it. But the advantage of being in pieces is, that you can mend others in your brokenness. You can either give the pieces that you have, to the people in whom they fit perfectly, or take the pieces that others have offered, and get them inside you. There’s a beauty in being broken that most of us fail to see, as it is a humbling and empowering reason for giving that we all fail to understand. There are many instances where I have spent hours with my friends, talking about some of the worst days I have encountered in my life and my aspirations, dreams, incidents, and causes for relapse in certain areas of my life. And even though time and tide have sifted some of them through, I am still grateful for all the conversations that happened between us, and the ones who stayed by me through all the years, endearingly. With each broken piece that I have, I am thankful for the fact that it made me whole.

It is confusing, I know.

But it is reassuring that you can start over from the point where you are right now. We are like flowers, some bearing fruit and blooming into such magnificent, wondrous boons of nature– each in their different periods of nurture and bloom, maturing through the broken pieces of fruit that spread the seeds through various means.

Even more comforting is the fact that there is a Gardener I believe, who tends to these flowers, as gentle as a mother weaning her child, as careful as a Hen with her chicks, who pick up your pieces and makes them whole again. Kintsugi is an art where the Japanese fix broken earthen vessels with Gold, but we are fixed in Him with something much more priceless than Gold. And in that, completes all our imperfections, by being humble and staring in awe at all wonders that we see around us when we grow out of the idea of a seemingly impossible, perfect wholeness that we aspire to be on Earth.

And hence, we start to see the world in its completeness.


In pieces.

Permeability

Permeability

The way things unfold in our lives isn’t at all, under our control.

Of late I have come to realize that no matter how many sacrifices you make, or irrespective of the situations that you go through, never stop being kind.

Never conform to what the world tells you. 
Never shut yourself in.
Even if you go through it all alone, never stop helping others.

Certain remedies are just around the corner, and we somehow try to oversee them and focus on what is afflicting us rather than take a few more painful steps and seek it through, till the end. And as a result, we don’t know how or when, but we cave in. We stop being responsive to everything that is happening around us, and it’s true. We grow partially blind, with each passing day and limit ourselves to all the possibilities that were once, plausible.

There are several downsides to it. You grow distant. Emotionally and Socially. You become weak, physically and mentally. You become vulnerable- in so much that you will be susceptible to so many stimuli that were not initially aimed at you, but you deem yourself as the target and try taking in as many stray arrows as possible until you break from within. And to make things worse, if you are of the sensitive lot who feel more than others, it either makes you cold as ice or just subdued within.

I don’t know who is reading this, but if you are feeling such, I would never tell you that it is wrong. I would never invalidate what you are going through nor would I accuse you of feeling what you are going through now.

It’s alright, and it is true for you.

We know. I know.

But do you know of the life outside your wall? Have you ever accurately predicted an outcome? Or has it been consistent, after the first outcome came true, if at all? Was the weather always stormy outside your house? Was it too harsh for you outside the cocoon every time? Did you shun anyone who tried to reach out to you, and tried breaking all the walls you built around yourself? Or was it another move of defense that helped you hold your ground? Or did you grow around the silence that surrounded you after all those chaos? Or was it, let’s say, comfortably numb?

The bottom line is- No matter what the circumstances had brought, it was always you who had the last say in the choice. It is only in your hands to change what had forcefully molded you into the shape you are in, right now. Unless you rise up, everything else is a moot point. All your troubles, all your doubts, all your insecurities, all your failures: everything- it stays unless you try to change it.

Is it easy to change? No.


Is it easy to try? Yes.

You can’t initiate the change unless you put in the effort. Your happiness, your joy, everything depends on how strong you want to change yourself.

Can you change as quickly as the flicker of a switch? No.

It takes time, it takes patience. Perseverance is the key. But the key to it all is:

Permeability.

Your Permeability. The ability to allow in feelings, the ability to allow in emotions, the ability to allow in decisions, the ability to allow in people, the ability to allow in prayers, the ability to allow in faith, the ability to allow in belief, the ability to allow in seasons, the ability to allow in acceptance, the ability to allow in acceptable limitations, the ability to allow in expansions, the ability to allow in every other thing that you can sense, feel and touch- as well as allowing yourself to everything mentioned before, thereby initiating an exchange. An exchange that heals you, slowly and steadily, filling all your broken crevices and settling your disturbances.

This is something everyone misses out, on and drowns in their morbid thoughts, helpless and relentlessly clueless. Good or bad, inhale everything and propel forward. Be like the river, flowing where the currents and the wind take you, carving out your own path, breaking stones, creating a lasting path for others. You do you, the things that you wished for, will follow suit.

I did this, but long after the battles I had faced all alone. And somewhere down the line, I never knew or realized how important it was, but I was actually anchoring my change on God. Through the trials and tribulations, I also underwent an unfair, unpleasant change that I never wanted to experience, but it eventually forced me out of my cocoon. There was a time when I wanted everything to work out on my own accord or my own expectations, or somehow, wanted life to play out as I had mapped it- but well, there was another force that was inexplicably helping me to conquer all the rough seas, wave by wave. For me, what I believe in, was a God factor, that had helped me wade through the murkiness in my life. But one more thing, before I end:

You might have heard of an old saying

God helps those who help themselves.

Faith gets instilled both ways. Either you have a concrete faith in your own self, or in God, or even better, both. Shutting yourself up and expecting God to do things for you especially when you can do them on your own is cowardice. Similarly, trying to control everything that lies outside your reach and then blaming God for the inability to have a certain outcome is foolhardiness. As for me, as of now, I submit everything I have to God, yet I have faith in my ability to carry out certain tasks that are required to achieve certain milestones (in all sectors), and I have come to a realization that nobody can do that except me. I pray that you get your anchor and metamorph into a person you’d never imagined to be, stronger and humbler, bolder and wiser.

Here and Now

Here and Now

I’ve not been justifying myself lately in most of the things that I have done and it’s a daily struggle to just keep things moving. Never in my life have I ever even thought of living like this, and I’m really clueless why I’m even alive.

Sucks to be me.

This was a excerpt from a small conversation I had with a dear friend who just couldn’t find a reason why he’s living this life in such a ghastly note. Wouldn’t even complain, gotta give him the props for trying to battle the overwhelming frustrations all by himself, in a situation where nobody even supported him. It struck a chord with my conscience, because I could see myself in him too, at some point of time on my life when it was all a nullity.

A reply was required, but not necessary. Sometimes it’s just better to leave things at that and pave way for discovery rather than impose something right at the wrong time.

Each individual is designed and meticulously crafted to face every dire situation in his/her own capabilities that extends into cumulative effects of self sustenance.

Existence is something crucial. You don’t just live it, you own it.

We make mistakes. We sin. We fall down in life. We cry. We make amends. We drive our ambition. We ignite our spirits. We ride in chaos. We undergo a process of constant evolution, on every phase. Everyday is not the same, and the same goes for the people around us. Judging a person by their behavior never helps either, just in case one wonders the context of their behavioral anomaly.

Depression isn’t an anomaly, it’s an absence felt deep down, when you are unsure about yourself.

And somewhere down the line amidst all these negativity and positivity, we tend to draw a fine line of credit where we just take our grace for granted.

“How I wished I was her.”

“How I wanted to be such a person, with so & so things.”

“How I wanted to get that.”

“How I wanted to get peace.”

The key is in our perception. Our mind. Our need. Our pleasure. Our faith. Our will. And with it, comes gratitude.

Brooding over incessantly doesn’t take you anywhere. Constant feeling of pain and agony coupled with a sense of deprivation and a survivor’s guilt just makes it worse.

I see people nowadays posting many things on the internet that are based on embracing yourself, knowing your boundaries and accepting your flaws, just being contented in what you have, to be a person of confidence and valor, and the likes.

I agree too, to a certain point.

But everyone just missed out the point where you have a sheer sense of thankfulness to the life you’re living. You might be down, you might be poor, you might be an orphan, you might be a single child, you might be alone – I understand.

But have you ever counted your blessings?

Um. No.

Have you ever tried to do so?

Idk, I mean… I haven’t thought about it.

So there you go. Thinking so much about what to do with your life disregarding your present situation or how you wanted it to be, or reminiscing about where you went wrong or why did it happen to you.

Depression is usually a present thing caused by a situation in the past or an insight into the future.

It shrouds you under it’s cloak and prohibits you from moving on. Moving on from your present frame of mind and the reason that made you stick over the memory, playing and replaying the situation in an endless loop with a mentally initiated subjugatory interrogation that questions your capabilities in decision making.

While battling it too, you should be fighting yourself in your present, and not with your past that compromises your future.

Just think about it. In a low-key frame of mind:

You are going in a boat, from point A to point B. You gear yourself up to face all odds, braving the sea and it’s harshness. You sail hard, taking the headwind to your benefit and leading on. You see a few stranded sailors, you bring them in and help them reach their destination. On seeing their lives, you feel empathetic, and you start questioning life, it’s purpose. At one point of time, you get into a storm, and survive, by even casting out your luxuries into the sea. But you become sad, cause you lost a little of your luxuries instead of being thankful that you and your boat escaped the wrath of the humongous tides and the merciless storm. You forget that you had put on a brave face and took it head-on, and had used your wits and efforts and survived.

Was the survival worth it?

Yes.

Was the thought of life worth the pain that you endured?

No.

I can’t classify life in a general way, nor depression nor anything that can be felt and experienced. It’s immeasurable.

But one can always start thinking in a better way. For a brighter future. I can only do so much, cause I can just guide you, in words. You can scoff at it or take it seriously, it’s again, your choice. But I want you to take the best step forward, if you’ve not taken it yet. Because I know the pain of letting go, and the extreme change in adapting myself into something better, just by grinding hard. It’s not impossible. Nothing is. Especially when it comes to you healing yourself.

You are the one who holds the key to your own happiness. Don’t go searching for it in all the wrong places. You’ve got it in you, so just open your eyes and learn to inculcate it in your life. People are like the river. Not all stay by your side, except the ones who stand strong like the pebbles that dug deep into the river bed. Cherish them. You’ve got wisdom and intellect, owing to the Human genome, the Apex social creatures that we are. Use it through discernment and understanding so that you live through it all, happier and wiser.

Never doubt yourself, even for once.

‘Cause you are your own happy pill, enjoying this very gift of life.

Here and now.

Of sliding stones and rolling avalanches

Of sliding stones and rolling avalanches

People have been always in a jeopardy after something huge. 
Yeah.
And always will be. Rest assured, you’ll face it too. And you’ll be inside a mind cage locked in the pandemonium reverberating inside your head.  Probabilities, backup plans, possibilities and plausibilities and decisions that would finally give you the big break. 
This applies to all the guys and girls out there, waiting on your milestone. Or rather, awaiting something after your milestone. Now, that something could be anything- From admissions to schools/colleges till getting a job: Or starting a new venture: Or maybe getting something done:
All good, no issues. Everything better for your survival, your stand, can understand.
While running after your goals, or desires sometimes we tend to forget the people who helped us attain the position we’re in today. If it wasn’t for their role in our lives, maybe who knows we’d have not seen this day?

Family, teachers, roommates, relatives (rarely I guarantee), friends, enemies, frienemies, exes- and all relations possible collectively help in the moulding of a person. Each person happens in our life for a reason. 

We don’t just meet anyone. Or befriend anyone randomly. People just happen. 

And that’s the beauty of relations, to be honest. Undescribed, imminent lapses of weaved links toughened through time and tides in this world. But, sadly success doesn’t happen the way it does with human relations.

You break sweat and tears and attain whatever you wished for, or might just do some witty thinking and get the prize. Both ends considered, each person has their own way and perception of perceiving notions or pre existing facts, and one should respect it by all means. 

Garner all the success while you’re young, helps with the math in your salary later on.
True. 
But sometimes, it’s an eye-opener to realize what are we fighting for. Lost in our own world, we forget things that might’ve been important to us, or take things for granted. 

Parents, most of the time. Children grow so much, they undermine their parent’s capability and grow rebellious. Can’t blame the kid alone, sometimes you love the petals so much that the thorns underneath them are ignored blissfully. 

Ignored so much that the thorns are noticed only when the petals tear and dry away. 

Siblings, not much. They’re always in for a supportive competition.

Friends, can’t really point out. Masked vigilantes, you don’t know what’s in store for you until you get to that moment when you’re either the hunter or the hunted. It’s very easy to make or break a relationship, but very hard to maintain one. 

Without taking it for granted. 

Without making it a one way affair. 

Without being selfish for each other. 

Relatives, you can make them understand only when you earn more than their kids or only when you are able to stand in your own feet after taking decisions yourself. 

The bottom line is, know what you’re fighting for, what you’re fighting against. 

Get confused, you could lose a great deal. A great, great deal. 

Stay firm, focused– you’ll be rewarded in the long run. 
Stress isn’t something that should rule over someone against their own will. In fact, it does only when you allow it to. 

Know your strengths, know your links. Know your bonds, discover your privileges. 

Because nothing can change you except you. 

Cycle. 

Cycle. 


One is born at the moment other dies. Sometimes, it feels like a cycle, sometimes a burden.

You can only cherish the gifts of life at the end of your cycle, and sometimes it’s just too late to even realize how much precious time is. You can live for a lifetime being dead, and can live your last six months in full swing, with a little hope that you’d even survive.

Life is a boon. Sometimes it’s taken at an untimely occasion, and make sure you don’t have any room for regret. 

Priorities make it all the worth to remember your life. Some sacrifice, some take it for granted. 

Death is impartial. It can come to anyone, anywhere, anytime. 
Live it well before it’s taken away from you.